Paranoia

Now that we are more than six months into this 'stupid' pandemic, the proverbial 'they' say that more people are suffering with pandemic fatigue than anything else. Basically we are fatigued with this pandemic.

I have sort of been ignoring the damn pandemic because I don't have that much of a life anyway. But I have been following the rules and trying to live my life without driving myself or my husband crazy.

And then....

I got a cold. And paranoia set in. 

Is it Covid? I took my temperature, 99 point something (which is on the high side for me because usually I am around 97 point something). I think not bad, I'll take a tylenol. And stay in bed, have soup, and watch lots of bad TV. 

Then I start thinking: where have I been in the last 14 days? Too many places. If I have Covid, will I be branded as a 'bad' person for the rest of this damn pandemic because I went lots of places in the last 14 days? I must be a horrible person for doing all that 'traveling' and exposes all sorts of people to my germs.

Then my next thought is "I went to the grocery store (a real swamp of germs that late in the day) Thursday afternoon and probably got exposed to someone's non-Covid cold". Presto, with my immunocompromised body, I started showing symptoms within 24 hours. 

So of course I posted on 'height' of social sharing, Facebook, that I had a cold during a pandemic. An amazing number of people actually read my post and many of them told me to get tested. 

So I started thinking more. If I do have Covid, I will probably die from it because I am so immunocompromised. So more paranoia. Will I die from this stupid virus? Not a good thing. 

Thus, I put in more deep thoughts and contacted a local clinic to see if I meet the criteria of needing a Covid test. I put in my symptoms on line. I spoke with a person who asked more questions. Finally I spoke with a doctor. His reply at the end of more questions (have I lost sense of smell or taste?), it is my choice to get a test or not. 

I'm going to get a Covid test. I really doubt it is Covid because it just feels like another cold to me. But because of my concerned friends and my personal paranoia (and the fact I really am not interesting in dying), I am getting tested now. Results in 24 or so hours....

Trying Something New

 So as you know I am not a very healthy person. In fact, I might be one of the least healthy people on the planet who is still alive. 

In late 2008, I started experiencing back pain. As usual I ignored it for several months, until I realized that I was living on tylenol and advil. That sent me to my doctor, who sent me to a orthopedic guy, who took xrays, and told me a bunch of different things. He also gave me some drugs and sent me for PT. But I still had a lot of pain. Eventually I ended up at a pain management doctor. 

Sometime in there, I thought, maybe I should try pilates or yoga to help my back. My pain management doctor told me no. So I listened to him and didn't try either. 

A few years later, I got sick of him just changing my meds with out telling me why so I got a new pain management doctor who communicates with me. I have learned over the years, that things that I should not do include twisting my back and standing for too long. I feel comfortable with living without twisting my back and standing too long.

I went to a good gym for close to ten years. I got a lot of flexibility and strength out of that. Then along came this (stupid) pandemic and the gym closed. I am not going back to the gym even though I could. Too many people breathing hard and I am immunosuppressed so I am very susceptible.

When the pandemic started, I took my mother's exercise bicycle and started riding it for an hour 3 times a week, just as if I was going to the gym 3 times a week. But I wanted some other types of exercise for core strength and flexibility. 

I have a knitting group at a cancer support center which went completely remote in March. They offer yoga classes. Last week I got the new schedule for events at the cancer support center and decided its time. 

I signed up for yoga. I actually signed up for two yoga classes each week for a month. Yep. I did it. The first class was this morning. I made a point to get on early so that I could talk to the instructor and tell her I can't twist my back or stand for too long. She said that was fine and to do what I could. I skipped all the twisty stuff. I think I did okay. I mean I tried. I didn't twist.

I just have to wait to see how I feel tomorrow to see if I can move.