Paranoia

Now that we are more than six months into this 'stupid' pandemic, the proverbial 'they' say that more people are suffering with pandemic fatigue than anything else. Basically we are fatigued with this pandemic.

I have sort of been ignoring the damn pandemic because I don't have that much of a life anyway. But I have been following the rules and trying to live my life without driving myself or my husband crazy.

And then....

I got a cold. And paranoia set in. 

Is it Covid? I took my temperature, 99 point something (which is on the high side for me because usually I am around 97 point something). I think not bad, I'll take a tylenol. And stay in bed, have soup, and watch lots of bad TV. 

Then I start thinking: where have I been in the last 14 days? Too many places. If I have Covid, will I be branded as a 'bad' person for the rest of this damn pandemic because I went lots of places in the last 14 days? I must be a horrible person for doing all that 'traveling' and exposes all sorts of people to my germs.

Then my next thought is "I went to the grocery store (a real swamp of germs that late in the day) Thursday afternoon and probably got exposed to someone's non-Covid cold". Presto, with my immunocompromised body, I started showing symptoms within 24 hours. 

So of course I posted on 'height' of social sharing, Facebook, that I had a cold during a pandemic. An amazing number of people actually read my post and many of them told me to get tested. 

So I started thinking more. If I do have Covid, I will probably die from it because I am so immunocompromised. So more paranoia. Will I die from this stupid virus? Not a good thing. 

Thus, I put in more deep thoughts and contacted a local clinic to see if I meet the criteria of needing a Covid test. I put in my symptoms on line. I spoke with a person who asked more questions. Finally I spoke with a doctor. His reply at the end of more questions (have I lost sense of smell or taste?), it is my choice to get a test or not. 

I'm going to get a Covid test. I really doubt it is Covid because it just feels like another cold to me. But because of my concerned friends and my personal paranoia (and the fact I really am not interesting in dying), I am getting tested now. Results in 24 or so hours....

Its been a while

I haven't blogged in a while because I ... I actually have no idea why. I have been going through the motions of life. I have had some highs - my health has not had any significant new 'bad' things nor have my current 'bad' things decided to act up much. Yet. (There is always that possibility.)

I have also had some lows - a college friend died of leukemia (that was horribly sad) and I have another friend currently dying of breast and stomach cancer.  So emotionally I have been a wreck but I think I have been hiding that part. But I am getting it under control. A big step is getting to my meds therapist next week to talk about options. Did you know that the more chronic medical issues you have you may need more emotional care? (I am not a professional but it is my personal opinion that your emotional you is just as important as your physical you.)

It is also a busy time of year for me. I have no income but I do knit and weave and sell stuff at craft shows from late October to mid December in an effort to buy more yarn. And to get out of the house and see the world.

But it is a struggle. I am working my way through it as usual.